I am the devil

To bugs, that is. So here's how I believe I've earned my title. As I was drawing in my sketchpad, I hear a faint buzz that I've come to associate with the stink bugs that keep finding their way into my house, namely my room, namely my desk next to the window with the broken screen. So I figured "Meh, whatevz" and went back to drawing. That is, until it made it's opening move. As I'm working: PLOP. The beast falls down in front of me, onto my sketchbook, desecrating it with it's foul presence. Now I'm on the move, I tilt the pad so the demon slides off onto my empty second desk behind me. As it's trying to maneuver itself out of it's prone position, I grab the conveniently placed can of hairspray, used for keeping up my old, bullet-proof liberty spikes. It's on. I do a quick test spray of the can, success, then the can's nozzle takes aim at this new invader. CHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The spray connects, critical success, the demon's wings are now bound to its foul torso. It strains itself to lift it's aerodynamic apparatus from it's durable shell but to no avail, it was stuck, flightless with it's extremities becoming harder to operate by the second. The beast attempted to make a hasty retreat through the portal it had used for entry, but as he was creeping toward the midway point, I had discovered my heat lamps. As lamps turned their gaze to the spot of the horror, they sent their scorching rays in the demon's direction, speeding up the hairspray's immobilization process. This was not enough. On went more hairspray, it's delightful hiss, its freezing breath, all pure pleasure. This continued until the beast ceased movement, at which point, most would assume victory was there's, but not me, I had to be sure. As a test, I opened the window the creature was longing for, now completely agate, zephyrs pouring in. The demon suddenly sprung to life once more and continued it's pursuit of undeserved freedom. But being who I am, I just watched as the demon made its ascension until it's victory was in sight. Window open, it was now perched on the window sill and seemed to halt a moment, get its second wind, maybe think about it's family back home, reflect on his recent folly, or maybe just take in the view. But that moment was all I needed, it was still, perfectly position for the impending. SLAM! The window closes, crushing the beast, ending it's struggle for existence. I love me.